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PARENTS NEED TO KNOW THE RISKS OF
WEEKEND TEENAGE PARTIES
By now, almost every student and parent has probably heard about the tragic stabbing death of an El Cerrito teenager at a party in the Berkeley Hills last month. What most parents, and even many students, might not know is that these out-of-control teenage parties happen virtually every weekend and that the factors that lead to such a tragedy are present at almost every other large teenage party that takes place.
Recent History & Background: According to the Berkeley Police there are generally one or more large, out-of-control teenage parties every weekend, generally involving hundreds of kids and no adult supervision. When police were called in to close down one such party several months ago (involving both UC and High School-age students, given at the UC Co-op Cloyne Court), they found nearly 200 teenagers out in the street, many with open containers of alcohol or under the influence of drugs. The levels of alcohol were so high that paramedics couldn't handle the medical needs of multiple young drinkers passed out in various places. On a recent Thursday night in Live Oak Park, two young teenagers went on a drinking binge and one of them, a 14 year-old girl, ended up in Children's Hospital for a week after sharing an estimated half gallon of Vodka – her father couldn't be located for several hours as she nearly died of alcohol poisoning. "Parents just don't seem to know where their kids are," said one officer.
On New Year's Eve there were three such huge parties that needed to be closed down by police. The 900 block of The Arlington had a party of over 200 kids. A party next to John Hinckel Park involving hundreds of teenagers was so packed that police couldn't reach the house by car, but instead had to park and walk in. A third party on Belrose Avenue was closed down after the teenager who was throwing the party couldn't get anyone to leave and called police for help. At none of these three parties were there any adults to be found by police, but alcohol was present at all of them.
"These out-of-control parties occur nearly every weekend," said one police officer who preferred to remain anonymous, "and they always involve alcohol and drugs, and often violence and rape. Date rapes are real common and 'sex grabs' even more common. A lot of it goes unreported, and occasionally we have to bring Crisis Intervention in to help. The main substance abuse is with alcohol, although some marijuana, crystal meth and occasionally ecstasy will be found. Often, a lot of the problems are just kids getting drunk. We'll get calls from kids because they can't get their friends home. It's increasing."
But the most serious problem, according to police, comes when gang kids show up. "There are some scary kids out there and you don't know when they're going to show up. We've recently begun taking guns off of suspect gang members here in Berkeley. We're finding all kinds of weapons. One kid at a gang gathering at a local park had bullets hidden inside the hood of his sweatshirt, presumably for a weapon another gang member tossed when police arrived." The officer went on to say that a recent party in January had "serious gang elements" present when the police showed up to close it down.
Despite the fact that this party had parent supervision and two security personel, "security is generally useless" when you have 300 teenagers and a gang presence. Even with police there, some kids wouldn't leave when asked. Police finally had to walk 12 abreast through the street to disperse the crowd of teenagers – all the while getting pelted by bottles. According to one student who was there, the bottle throwing wasn't the result of gang kids, just kids who were mad that the party was over.
A gang presence is even worse at a party with no adult supervision. "The hosting kids are the weak link" according to police. "The average teenager does not have the ability to tell a bunch of uninvited gang kids to go away. They basically don't do anything more than wish the problem away."
The Berkeley Hills Party: If we look at last month's party, what do we find? The party reportedly started as a get-together thrown by a 16 year-old girl for just seven or eight friends that ended up with 100 to 150 teenagers in attendance. According to newspaper accounts and accounts from kids who were there, it was basically a good group of kids who, despite coming from a variety of different schools (Berkeley, El Cerrito, Albany & St. Mary's), mostly knew each other and got along. Although specifics seem difficult to nail down, problems started just before 11:30 p.m. when an argument broke out between two kids about a skateboard one of them owned – according to several eye witnesses, at least one of them had consumed a lot of alcohol. Friends of one kid jumped in to stand up for their guy and a fight broke out. More kids jumped in to defend the other kid and it became a melee. According to one kid at the party, many of the kids who were fighting probably had been drinking, and many of the kids who were not involved in the fight, but were later asked by police to recall what they saw, had also been drinking – thereby impairing their ability to see what was happening and, later, to recount it. The scene was very dark out in the yard and within minutes, four young men had been stabbed, one fatally.
What started out as a simple argument over a skateboard between two kids who knew each other, at a party that by all accounts was running smoothly, in a "safe" neighborhood, ended in the death of one child and the hospitalization of three others.
Contributing Factors: The problems contributing to the tragic results of the evening are threefold. The first is the absence of adult supervision. Even under the best of conditions, teenagers are not generally known for their decision-making skills, but in a crisis situation the consequences can be devastating. Out of 100 to 150 teenagers at the party, not one, according to police, called 911. One of the kids got three of the victims into his car and drove them to the Albany Police Station. Police were only notified when a neighbor noticed one of the blood-soaked victims staggering in the street as the neighbor was coming home. According to the Berkeley police (whose jurisdiction this was), when they did arrive at the scene, they could not get a hold of the parents of the 16 year-old girl who hosted the party, not even by phone
The second contributing factor was alcohol. Many of the kids might not have entered the fight if they hadn't been drinking. They might have been more inclined to take a peacemaker's role. Eyewitnesses might have been better able to see what was happening if they hadn't been drinking. They might have been better able to recall later what they had seen. They might have called 911.
The final contributing factor was the issue of the uninvited guest. Someone managed to come to the party, stab four people and disappear without anyone being able to identify him or even describe with any confidence or certainty what he looked like. And he's still out there! This certainly won't be the last party he attends. More importantly, he's not the only one out there capable of doing something like this. There are numerous kids who go to parties looking for trouble and not for a good time.
Implications For Parents: This is not just an issue for families at Berkeley High. The following message was sent home to parents by the principal at Saint Mary's:
Saturday-night parties of teenagers drinking alcohol are so commonplace as to become banal. They are also potentially dangerous environments for young people. Saint Mary's has no intention or desire to police the activities of its students during the weekend, nor are we interested in punishing students.
However, we are keenly
interested in the safety, welfare, and education of our students, which is why we want you to be informed of this party. It is highly doubtful that it is an isolated incident. Parents of American teenagers hold their breath every Saturday night and trust that their kids will make good decisions. Usually they do, but when they don't our jobs as parents and educators become especially challenging. How should we respond?
As parents, we need to start talking more with our children about these issues. If we, the parents, don't know the adults at whose house the party is, perhaps we need to explain to our children that they can't go, and why. If your child goes to a party and they can't find an adult in the first two or three minutes, they need to know to leave immediately. Problems of alcohol and alcohol impaired decision-making need to be discussed. The dangers of date rape need to be discussed with both our sons and our daughters. Knowing when to call 911 – not only when someone has been hurt, but when uninvited guests or potentially dangerous individuals show up.
Students and parents have both mentioned that part of the problem is a lack of things for kids to do on a social level and that more structured events would help. This might be a great discussion for a future PTSA meeting and a good one to bring Berkeley High Administrators in on.
The Impact of MySpace.Com: Parents also need to become aware of an internet site called MySpace.Com. The reason this party was able to go from eight kids to 100 or 150 was because the party was posted on somebody's space on this website. Additionally, nasty and unfounded rumors started in the wake of the stabbings about who knew the identity of the assailant based on who had the most friends listed on their MySpace.Com page.
As the San Francisco Chronicle recently reported, every parent of teenage children should ask their kids if they have a personal page on the site or if they visit the site. The amount of personal information kids post about themselves, their friends and their activities (both past and future) is frightening. Kids post pictures of themselves and their friends, addresses, phone numbers, where they are going to be and with whom. Beyond your own kids' involvement, the amount of inappropriate and obscene material posted on various other pages within the site is something parents need to be aware of as well. Please ask your children if they are members of the site and, if they are, to see the site. If you don't trust them, go online, join the site and check for yourself.
On a more personal note, I knew several kids who were at the party, two of whom were very good friends with all of the victims. I attended the funeral and burial to support one of their families. Nothing any of us experiences in life comes close to the devastation experienced by a family burying one of their children. It is every parent's worst nightmare, and to watch someone experience that level of pain and loss is humbling. According to parents who have lost children, the strongest realizations of loss often come in the simplest moments – you wake up on a Saturday morning waiting for the usual background sounds of morning play and you suddenly realize how quiet it is. Life may be wonderful, but it is stunningly fragile.
Mark van Krieken |
